This book although interesting was flawed. Barton never claims to be an expert to her credit but she does start a lot of conversations without much consideration for potential harm. I got 200 pages in and physically could not continue.
In this review, I will pick out a couple of examples of things that happen throughout, mostly from the beginning as it felt it got repetitive. I feel overall nuances around porn were missed for example those with disabilities, POC, fat people, those who have done sex work themselves etc will all experience porn differently. A trans person was interviewed and this is something that struck me was that the description of each person seemed somewhat random with gender, age and relationships status always mentioned but not any of the above factors which I know effects how people watch porn (and therefore maybe sex as well), she did mention though that one person worked in a library.
This book isn’t trying to be a research project but the way the questions are phrased has an heir of superiority which felt ungenuine to me. It also is with friends who she maybe knows intimately and there are layers of subtext we cannot be privy to and that also makes it feel like you’re sitting with the besties at the table and what they’re saying makes sense but you can’t help but feel you’re missing something.
Talking about bodies with one of her interviewees Baron says “fat is not seen as desirable and that is because it’s not normalised day to day” and then saying “these two didn’t have “physiques to do die for” which is just reinforcing this idea that fat is not 'normal' It futher solidifies in my mind that for Barton fat is not normal which suggests something of the friends, family etc that she keeps, the media she consumes etc which leads the chosen interviewees to be a small pool. The contradiction of these statements in the same interview makes the original statement feel performative. After a conversation where this person had attended a party where they watched two people having sex, Barton ends by saying “but being there [with what they believed to be the non-porn sized people] was a hundred times sexier than anything bloodless between very hot skinny people” which in a sense feels very obvious and nothing to do with body size - One is a real couple that you are seeing in real life and one is paid actors on a screen. It doesn’t feel nuanced, it feels flat. It also skinny shames which is no better
In another section, the description of trans women with penises (known as 'new halves' in Japan according to this interviewee though whether that is true terminology /slang or a direct translation I don't know) having group sex as “really nuts” by both the author and the interviewee feels both shaming and transphobic. There’s a fair amount of shaming language things like “perverse” “crazy” …Which in some cases refers to a “society wide kink” that has been made to feel normal (eg ejaculation onto someone’s body) which I do agree with to an extent it has been normalised, but then for those who that is a turn on- they are now perverse?
Amateur porn luckily is mentioned here and there, however, it was not discussed with nuance - no mention of how this is still potentially dangerous and comments like “if you’re queer there’ll be something out there for you [as a perfromer]” as if queerness is some standard of diversity or inclusion, but also it is said with the idea that sites like Onlyfans performers have ultimate freedom, which they don’t - and even if they did - they would still need to make money, often to pay medical bills, look after kids etc and that was missed for me. Barton had the chance to educate the reader and didn't.
The idea of “gay” and “straight” porn I also find problematic and is mentioned a lot. It potentially assumes: actors identities, the identities of those watching and reinforces the idea that certain sex or bodies relate to a certain sexuality which they CAN but don’t have to (e.g. plenty of self-identifying straight men have had MSM* sex)
What is interesting, is to hear people's views even though these views are all from people who would be friends or at least acquaintances with someone like Barton. Open, communicative etc . They have participated and therefore already are a certain demographic (i.e. those willing to discuss porn and have it be published)
All these experiences are valid and it’s great to see these long-form accounts. I am reading it very quickly, it is engaging because people's opinions on porn are interesting to me.
I think what I want to make clear is that these people are not suddenly morally reprehensible or beacons of correctness but it seems to me that perhaps that Barton has some responsibility to protect its readers from feeling shame, hurt, and guilt from the terminology used. It comes back to the question of what power does the author hold and how are they going to use that. What responsibility do they have? If any to the reader? I certainly think there was room for the interviews to have epilogues or ideas made from them rather than just sitting as they are such as expanding with facts. If i were to read this as someone who wasn't super open but was trying to learn a bit more or my I got it as a gift, I would feel shamed. I would feel that if I was different from all of these people, I was wrong.
At the end Barton states that this book is not some huge project but rather something to "start the conversation" but to not even have an awareness of how this book could be harmful shows it’s not where this conversation should be started.
*men who have sex with men
I write these pieces in the context of their time and my knowledge. My views and understanding of these topics will likely change and I embrace that. I will not make changes to these unless offensive language was used unintentionally. These pieces are a form of memory and part of my personal history. I want to recognise the mistakes I may have made in the past so that I can continue to learn. I upload it here not to force my views but just to have it somewhere. I acknowledge that sex and gender are complex, multifaceted issues that are subject to ongoing debate and discussion. You are welcome to your own views on these topics and I hope that you continue to look into these topics in your own space. I ask that you do not enquire to those within minority groups to ask for education. Use the tools at your disposal, the internet, books etc.
Thank you